Starting over isn't easy. Humans are hardwired to seek comfort and familiarity while fearing the unknown. So, if you're starting over after going through a major life change, it's only natural to feel overwhelmed, stuck, and unsure of what to do next.

We explore the common challenges people face when starting over along with tips to help you break through the overwhelm and move forward.

Why starting over is so hard

The process of starting over is about more than making some changes or adjustments to your life. If you've gone through major life events such as a relationship breakdown, serious illness, or moving back from living overseas, you may feel like you need to create a new beginning. This involves letting go of the past as well as reinventing parts of your life, and it's why you can be left feeling overwhelmed and unsure.

Some of the reasons why you might be struggling to start over can include:

Feeling afraid of change

Letting go means saying goodbye to parts of your life that have become part of your story and identity. The uncertainty this creates is uncomfortable, so it's natural to feel resistance. This can be particularly difficult if you need to break away from things, people, or habits that have been part of your life for many years.

Being stuck in the stages of grief

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross created the widely shared theory of the five stages of grief and loss. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While you can start moving forward at any stage, it's important to understand where you are in this process and how that might be impacting your progress.

Having low self-efficacy

Self-efficacy is the belief that you have the capacity to achieve your goals. People with lower levels of self-efficacy are more likely to focus on failure than success, and people with higher levels of self-efficacy are more likely to cope better in adverse situations. It's these findings that help explain why self-efficacy plays an essential role when starting over.

Experiencing unmanaged mental health conditions

Mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression are common barriers to change. Depression can impact motivation, decision-making abilities, and create feelings of hopelessness. Anxiety can cause uncontrollable fear and a loss of confidence. When left unmanaged, these conditions can keep you stuck in your current situation and make it nearly impossible to make positive changes in your life.

How to break through the overwhelm and move forward

So now you know why starting over is hard, what can you do to change? We turn to tried and tested strategies from the field of psychology to best help set you up for success.

Check your mindset

Having the right mindset is a critical first step when starting over. Check what thoughts you have about your current life situation, and where you want to go next. Have you accepted that change may be hard but worth it? Are you aware of any self-limiting beliefs holding you back? Do you have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset?

If you need to change your mindset, you can try proven techniques such as practising gratitude, challenging negative thoughts, and reframing unhelpful beliefs.

TIP: When you have an unhelpful thought, ask yourself – is this how I would speak to a friend or loved one? If the answer is no, it's time to change the script.

Set clear goals that matter

Goals can serve as important goalposts to help you be intentional with your daily actions and create the changes you want in your life. And because change is hard and requires persistent effort, your goals need to align with the things that matter to you. Goals that don't align with your values can leave you feeling unmotivated and stuck.

TIP: Are your goals aligned with what you truly want or are they based on what you think is expected of you? Consider your passions, interests, and strengths then choose goals around them for your best chance of success.

Visualise your future

Starting over and changing aspects of your life takes time and consistency. Along the way, you'll have moments where you'll feel challenged and tempted to fall back into old habits and patterns. To help you stay on course, it can help to imagine your future and how future you would act. Making decisions based on what future you would do can help you delay instant gratification and keep you focused on the long term.

TIP: A vision board can be a great way to keep focused on your goals. Seeing a visual representation of your goals can help you imagine your future, remind you of what is important, and help you avoid temptations along the way.

Focus on small steps for big results

Having a big gap between where you are today and where you want to be tomorrow can be paralysing. It's why knowing where you want to go but focusing on the task ahead of you can be so powerful. Small steps taken in the right direction consistently over time can lead to big results. This is because small steps are manageable, so you're more likely to stick to them and build on that momentum.

TIP: Break down your goals into smaller, manageable chunks. When you're feeling overwhelmed or times are tough, focus on that one small next step to keep moving forward.

Surround yourself with the right influences

Take a look at the environment around you. The people you spend time with and the media you consume all feed into your attitude. Focus your attention on people who are doing what you aspire to do. Spend time with like-minded people and be selective about what you read, watch, and listen to.

TIP: Curate your sources of inspiration. Seek out books, podcasts, and social media accounts that inspire you. Unfollow accounts that can distract you from your goals or leave you feeling negative.

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